10-4 to 10-10-2016
It’s a miracle! Is it the hormones? Is it the healing intimate? Chad? My irritability and anxiety are much much better. I feel like a human being! I also am inspired to play music for the first time in over 5 years. I dig my electric keyboard out of the closet.
I also realized that I have run out of time to finish my plaster sculpture. I had put it down last week after a major part broke off. Working it some more, another part broke off, and in the final hours before it was due on the 3rd, it split in half. Damn.
I realize that though I have some talent, I am not terribly talented. That’s ok. I see it in my young classmates all the time – they can run circles around me with their talent. What I have is depth that comes with years of life experience and exploration. I also have my unique way of seeing the world. That counts for a lot.
Construction continues. They start laying cement this week.
C invited me to a Sufi Retreat in a week and a half. Money is super tight, but it feels right. I can camp. I’ll have to miss the first day, but that’s ok. I am not Sufi. I went to a Sufi dance once, and I felt amazing after it. I can only imagine a whole weekend! I need to go. Is “self care” an excuse to spend money I don’t have, or a real honoring of my spirit’s needs? I think of it as the latter. I commit.
Being anxious about print making open studio, I wired myself up with headphones run through my clothing so I don’t tangle them in anything or cover them in ink. I play my new favorite song of Chad’s over and over and over. It works.
The first phase of cement is in. When I am up close, I ask the construction folks permission to take their pictures. So far, they are fine with it. I wonder how often I am noticed taking pictures of their work. I think I think too much.
Hormones are going well. I am flashing less often and better able to concentrate.
Oh, and this happened.